just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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