dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
