MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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