OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
