Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
