Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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