There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
