I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
