On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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