I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
