I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
