I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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