I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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