And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
