Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
