I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
