I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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