yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
