they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
