Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
