I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My feet surprised me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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