I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
