Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
