ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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