i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
