What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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