It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
