Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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