i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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