i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
