No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
