i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
