Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
