fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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