now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
