even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
