Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
