i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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