once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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