So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
high people should be assigned attendants
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
