On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
