I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
