the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So much Jack, so little girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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