So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
