I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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