she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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