nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
is wine microwaveable?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
