I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
