I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
