Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
