I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
