The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
