There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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