Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
