I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
