There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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