Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
