Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
