it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize