I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
