I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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