I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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