So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
