He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
