My sheets look like a crime scene.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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