Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
