When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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