I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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