I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
two words: eviction party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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