I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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