singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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