I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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