I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
