I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You may now shotgun with the bride
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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