we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
