I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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