Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
