Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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