I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
