I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
