Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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